An ode to my journey through the lens of the tools that helped save my life. If you think this is about you, you're probably right.

Photo by Ally Toto

Remembering the past is my gift, not a problem.

You just wish by now I would have forgotten.

It seems like you’d think that I already would have.

But then who’s to alchemize the pain for others to grab?

I thought I was weird for seeing the patterns.

In life, people say this isn’t what matters.

I see too deeply, penetrating into your soul.

Yet I'll be the first one to frolic, as that is the goal.

You fail to keep up with my endless evolving.

The person you once knew has long been dissolving.

You think you can catch me, put me back in your pocket.

But I've already launched, don't get burned by my rocket.

You wanna keep tabs, a bit obsessed.

Inspired by my beauty and how much I've been blessed.

I've been digging up all the things I repressed.

And when I think of you, I'm no longer impressed.

You watch me without offering any support,

and deflect every accusation when I come to retort.

“The struggles of having a public profile.”

Ha! I forgot when given an inch you'll take a mile.

Tried to keep me as your muse and,

now I’m just an illusion.

I see what others usually miss and that brings you discomfort, a thirst.

I’m here to nurture my loved ones, but not if I have to stay at my worst.

I crave to be met with recognition,

but you wanna use it as ammunition.

Despite how hard you’ve tried, my dreams will still come to fruition.

Your presence in my life can be seen as a gift,

but I’m not in a hurry to mend this rift.

The neglect you showed me left my flame to smolder,

and I’ve created my own fire, now that I’m bolder.

I hope you’ve learned something from watching my show,

me going to places where others won't go.

You’ve lost access, that couldn’t be clearer.

I see you aren’t ready to stand in my mirror.

My presence demands authenticity, compromise, accountability, truth.

Without an honest conversation of the past it’s like I’m just shouting from the roof.

While you stand there remaining aloof.

Oops, your goof.

I stopped drowning in the confused fog that was created,

while I was clinging to love and being berated.

A voice silenced in the midst of blurred chaos.

Only to be found at the expense of your loss.

You give me your stories, your secrets, your pains.

Then take from me for your own personal gains.

Then you get mad when the truth comes to surface.

Just to remember that you built this circus.

You want your privacy, saying please don't send the message through the vine.

Though you won't hesitate for even a moment to insert yourself into mine.

Always worried about what others might think.

Seems like we're both facing a breach on the brink.

“Well, I don't tell her everything I talk to my mom about.”

Are you actually serious right now?

Can't admit you caused her harm, uhh..

I'm outta here. That's your fucking karma.

I, better than most, know you like to take advantage.

Now you're worried she'll find out about the damage.

You revoked our trust,

but all we ever really had was a whole lot of lust.

You're nervous your hidden side I will reveal,

but that's not what this is, you need to heal.

I am designed to talk. To be too loud, too quiet, too much, the most.

If you’re afraid of my words, my silence, my being then begone, be-ghost.

The gift of gab was bestowed upon me.

I won't let you take it, I'll set my voice free.

Forever I shall wander, ponder, wonder.

Take it or leave it, you’ll feel my thunder.

I live for adventure, change, far-out jives.

Where will you be for the rest of our lives?

Reclaiming my joy, peace, playfulness is the ultimate revolution.

I see your conditioning and offer devotion.

To yourself, your truth, your inner knowing.

I see you underneath it all, hiding, peaking, showing.

The joy it would bring me to watch you glow,

isn’t worth the sacrifice I'd make against my own growth.

I’m too busy clearing out all the old murk,

just to see that you’re stuck there in the liminal lurk.

I’m meant to be seen, to lead, to live with audacity and passion.

It’s too late to stop me, I’ve already got traction.

You say you feel sorry for me, that I am dissociated,

when I reveal magic you fail to see. Were we actually associated?

It's not about you, it was just a joke,

don't take it so personally. Do you hear yourself, bloke?

Maybe one day you'll realize how you sound,

saying the problem only exists when I’m around.

I tried telling myself that you weren't a coward,

But now I can see clearly, and so I have flowered.

You wish I would leave it all in the past.

But I need acknowledgment. It left me quite aghast.

Doing what you can to make me shrink.

What did you picture would happen, what did you think?

You think you can act like that and get away,

With not addressing the mess you made.

We already tried being friends,

but the subtle aggression wouldn't end.

You tell me I’m ungrateful, immature, inconsiderate, but it’s you who pushed me to crack.

The gaslighting, advantage taking, fear mongering, that shit was fucking whack.

The shaming, the blaming, controlling, retaining.

My life, my soul, I've spent years reclaiming.

Ok.

You say you get the message, it’s been received.

But I bet you didn’t expect this masterpiece.

It won’t happen again, not this time.

I’m better than that and now I spit rhymes.

I’ve learned my worth.

Always being rebirthed.

It took me awhile,

but now I’m all smiles.

Time to go get those miles.

I move a bit slower, making sure I keep integrity.

The way you treated me will become part of my legacy.

I settle for no one, no thing, no space.

Though my capacity for love is never misplaced.

Respect my boundaries when you disagree or don’t understand.

Ask questions to save the relationship, not just project and reprimand.

What if instead of you getting so furious,

you tried on the mask of someone who’s curious?

You speak like you’re scolding me,

because you reject my reality.

Offering only the plight of your fiery wrath.

I’ll walk away now, I’ll forge my own path.

Anyway, your view is a bit too confined,

for the vast expansion of my mind.

My presence is strong, I see you resist.

I'm not trying to change you, I just want to exist.

Just be myself, whoever that is today.

Without the judgement, limitation, disbelief, dismay.

For now it seems best

to put it all to deep rest.

Something so tough to comprehend.

Will our paths ever cross again?

Maybe, perhaps.

I already deleted your birth time from my Astrology apps.

Signed,

~a 5/1 Self-Projected Projector with Channel 13-33

~a Cancer Rising and Mars

~a Pisces Sun, Mercury, and Lilith

~a Leo Moon and Chiron

~an Aries Venus and Midheaven

~a 5 of Spades, The Wanderer

~The Empress and the Hanged Man

~The Water Rooster

~The Ocelot

~Sarah Ramsay

Sarah ~ The Wandering Storyteller

If you would like a personal Astrology or Tarot reading click below!

Book a Reading!

Thank you so much for reading The Wandering Storyteller! To receive posts via email or support my work ~ consider subscribing or sharing this post with someone who might need it! Or become a paid subscriber on my Substack and receive access to further writings!

Sending all the love and blessings your way!