An ode to my journey through the lens of the tools that helped save my life. If you think this is about you, you're probably right.

Photo by Ally Toto

When others watch me they often ask,

where did the fear go, is that just a mask?

That's how I learned that when people say fearless,

they don’t see how scared I’ve been chasing my bliss.

Blazing a trail while your fire’s being stifled.

It’s not for the weak, you could collapse or you might fold.

Being derailed by those who claim wiser.

Who have been so conditioned into a miser.

Your advice is projected, and so I reject it.

I’ll forge my own path, I hope you respect it.

I cast no shade onto your structure.

But if I have to live by it I’m bound to rupture.

How can you possibly know what’s correct for me,

when you don’t even comprehend what I see?

Your fears make it so you try to control.

I know you don’t see it but it still takes a toll.

I just needed support, so I didn’t feel so alone.

But all you could do was throw me a bone.

Then I asked for more and got a ~ Sarah, don’t use that tone.

It was then that I started taking you off of your throne.

The thing about a woman who’s meant to go first,

is that she’ll expend all her energy trying to quench other’s thirst.

Only to realize it was she who they feared,

deep down inside them, under all of their tears.

After all these years?

Or maybe it was the mirror she held.

For them to look through as they cast their own spells.

She’s passionate, audacious, follows her dreams.

It was never her they feared, but their own inner realities.

Ignored visions, hopes, and desires.

Looking inward is what is required.

For them to see that she was only ever showing them how to get back to their inner child.

To embrace their birthright of being wild!

Now that we’ve removed each other from our pedestals,

we can stop pleading together and return to our goals.

You’ll check the boxes that are all too familiar,

and I’ll walk the path of tilling the new earth.

In so many ways I've been late to the game.

But have I really? You won't forget my name.

I've got a mission to do, it's not about the fame.

But I refuse to live a life that's totally lame.

I came here to live in a state that’s elated,

not one where I’m smothered or perpetually suffocated.

Every now and again I get glimpses of she,

and I stop to wonder, is that really me?

I’ll always remember the times you never cheered,

for me it was something so strange, so weird.

I wondered why you held such animosity,

but you just kept evading my curiosity.

Hiding behind resentful generosity.

I just wanted reciprocity.

Always been tough for me to figure out where I belong.

This group or that. Nowhere, everywhere. It’s why I’m so strong.

Soon it’ll all make sense, it won’t be long.

In the meantime, I'ma go hit the bong!

Ever since the beginning I’ve failed to fit in.

Never wanting to live life by the prescribed regimen.

Will life in my 30’s be where it all really begins?

Stay tuned to see just how it will end!

Signed,

~a 5/1 Self-Projected Projector with Channel 13-33

~a Cancer Rising and Mars

~a Pisces Sun, Mercury, and Lilith

~a Leo Moon and Chiron

~an Aries Venus and Midheaven

~a 5 of Spades, The Wanderer

~The Empress and the Hanged Man

~The Water Rooster

~The Ocelot

~Sarah Ramsay

Sarah ~ The Wandering Storyteller

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